Hunger hurts but starving works...

sometime after I got home from driving all the way up to RUC because I didn't know classes were canceled, my neck started to stiffen up. About a year ago, I hurt my neck, and I guess this is some sort of flare-up because now I can't move my head to the right... I really need someone to rub it. :oP
I have two papers due at the end of this week, and one of them is completely escaping me. It is on violence in Guatemala in the 1980's between the military, guerrilla groups, and the (poor) indigenous groups. I also have to incorporate several primary sources... and I cannot articulate what I want to say. I feel like the entire paper is floating around in my head, already completed, but I can't put it to paper. 

...but maybe that is just the vicodin talking... 

Naturally, I've been thinking about VA Tech a lot today.. I'd like to believe that our world is not getting more violent, just that the incidences are simply more highly publicized... but this is just too bizarre.  Not knowing all the facts, I am not going to go on about this... I just hope for peace for the victims, their families, and the students of VA Tech, and I hope that the major media outlets treat this with decency and respect for once (although it isn't shaping up that way)

I just can't commit myself to journaling.... I want to, and I read everyone elses, but when it comes to typing down my own thoughts, I can't do it. I still can't think of anything to write about, I just don't want to write my papers...

Here's something I haven't really told anyone: I've been on Weight Watchers for about 2 months now. I've lost 22 lbs! Even though I've been very hush about it (I don't go to meetings... I am still kind of elitist about sitting around with a bunch of fat Millville women) it's still very exciting and worth it

Yeah, that's right... I have no fucking job. I have filled out a thousand applications, and I've still got nothing... it's incredibly frustrating

I've been living in New Brunswick for almost 3 weeks now, and I've gotta say, I'm pretty fucking bored. I got a puppy, her name is Zoe and she's a 9 week old German Sheppard mix, so she keeps me pretty busy. She's the cutest thing ever, and smart as anything. Sean and Holly got a puppy, too, and they are like sisters... so cute.

I'm trying to get a job... I get alot of "we'll be in touch" and "I'll call you soon", but guess what? No calls. If I don't find a job soon, I'll be home by the end of July.... that sucks.

Other than that, nothing else to report. Give me a call, I miss everyone!

I've got everything all packed... including ALL over my underwear! So, I just went and bought a few more pairs this morning.

Moving in less than 2 weeks! Am I ready? NO!

I just got an e-mail from a website where I can buy IV bags and other creepy medical supplies. *sinister laugh* YES! now my plan of opening a liposuction clinic in my basement can finally be realized! Now no one can stop me! HAHAHAHA!

*Note to readers: No, I am not high or under the influence of any prescription medication while posting this update... just extremely bored.

I just found out that I passed the National Pharmacy Technician Certification exam! This means more money for me!!!

Also, my mom wrestled a baby wild bunny away from a bunch of crows at work yesterday. She called me to pick it up (it's so small!!) and I went to the pet store to buy it a cage and some bedding. Meanwhile I locked my keys in my car and had to call roadside assistance to come help me, which took 2 hours. Tom from work left work to come sit with me so i wasn't alone, which was sweet of him. Foo Foo ("little bunny foo foo..." get it?) is doing fine this morning, eating greens out of a side salad from McDonald's and living in a larger dog carrier that I found in the garage. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with it yet, but it's too little to release, and those stupid birds killed it's entire family, bastards. It enjoys snuggling on the couch and watching tv, so it can't be entirely unhappy.

As you guys know, the "best" part of college is all the preparations involved... so I started filling out my FAFSA and squaring away everything... Thursday night, one of my teeth starts twinging, but I don;t think much about it. Somewhere between 9PM (when I left work) and midnight (when my mom got home from work) the pain went to annoying to agonizing... so mom took me to the dentist Friday morning and my tooth is abscessed. And you know what that means? Percocets and antibiotics! Always exciting. Saturday was the Rutgers open house. They gave me a "fabulous" free gift, a red bracelet like the "Livestrong" bracelets, but of course, it says Rutgers on it. I also bought a decal for my car and 2 t-s-shirts, a red Rutgers t-shirt and a white pharmacy school t-shirt that lists the top 10 reasons to date a pharmacist on the back... Lemme take it off and I'll tell you what they are...That's right, I'm sitting here without a shirt on, I know you guys (wait the only guys that read my LJ are Em and Harry... great)are jealous!

 The Top 10 Reasons to Date A Pharmacist:

10- Pharmacists Rx rated (say it out loud)

9- They do it PRN (prn stands for as needed, which isn't really hot when you think about it)

8- Pharmacists are patient lovers

7- They have a long duration of action

6- Pharmacists do it without breaks

5- Hospital pharmacists do it on all floors

4- They find new routes of administration

3- They like easy off tops

2- Pharmacists welcome all 3rd parties

1- They do it over the counter

when I saw that shirt I just had to have it

Today has been a terrible and wonderful day... We had to put Bogie to sleep because he had lung cancer and was not doing well. I'm sad, but he was suffering and watching him dwindle was one of the worst things I have ever seen. He'd just look up at you with his big brown eyes as to say, "help me", and there was nothing I could do... ripped my heart out.

Also, I found out this morning that Rutgers accepted me! That is a huge relief.

I know I haven't updated in a while, but the last time I updated about my Uncle John being sick, he died within 12 hours.... that kind of scared me. Maybe I've gotten over that and will start updating more often.

I told my Dad today that I am not going back to school in the spring, I am going to wait until the fall... lecture ensued. Not that I listen to him.... the only people I feel I have to listen to are those that give me money and help me out, and he's really not on that list anymore.

I've been holding something in for a while, and now I have to get it out, I am not upset if you guys don't read it

My Uncle John is dying from cancer.... he has 6 months at most. He moved to Maine a year ago and I haven't seen him since, and now I'll never see him again. He doesn't want visitors because he's afraid it will be too painful, but I want to see him. I never went to see my grandmother before she died, and I know now what a mistake that was.... But I know that he wouldn't be big, jolly, larger than life Uncle John anymore, and it's just so, so hard. I can't even make words to describe how I feel...

 

With people riding bikes while talking on cell phones. I mean, why the fuck would you do something like that!? It's against the law for me to talk on the phone in my car, but some dumbass on a bike can be clicking somebody on his nextel, all the while weaving into oncoming traffic. Here's an idea, skip the cellphone, and use the money you save to buy a fucking car!!!!

(I almost hit TWO of the above-mentioned assholes today, and I was only in the car for maybe 15 minutes)

I absolutely hate myself sometimes. I work myself up into such a frenzy over everything, EVERYTHING! Now I could seriously throw up. It's 2:30AM, I am exhausted, and I can't sleep. Why? Because my dumb ass has developed a crush.

I shouldn't say developed... It's been lying dormant since I discarded him about a year and a half ago because, as usual, I wasn't sure what I wanted... I was scared of getting close, getting hurt. So I hurt him instead. Sounds reasonable, doesn't it?

I want to tell him so badly but I am afraid of the rejection, only because we're still friends. Other people say that it's fairly obvious that he likes me, and I should just go for it, but I have played every bad scenerio in my head, scripted every conversation, and now I am steps away from being committed.

And even if I do get up the nerve, I can't even figure out how to do it... grovel? is blunt the best answer? just kiss the bastard?

ERgaorighoeaktan;ngekfjdgnadk;jgnkjrfgna;kdjgbadnkfj;gndf;kjlgkdg;jzdknDGSjrsa gjldfgoudfgkjSGk;hfghlijSDDGHk;ljlksdg;hDfhg;hdHl;jzdfhfgkjdsJFGH

..I do feel a little better...

wHen u aLready sTart reaDing tHis dO'nT
sTop or eLse sUmtin baD wiL haPpen... My
name is teddy..i am 7 yrs. Old with blonde
hair and scary Eyes.I Have no nose or ears?.i am
dead.if you do not post this in the next 5
minutes,I will appear tonight by your bed with a
knife And kill you. this is no joke something
good will happen to you 2nite at 9:22.this is
not a joke some1 will call u or will talk to you
online and say I love you.do not break this chain

I don't need to tempt fate. Again... I am sorry!

Wow... I am such a disloyal livejournal member, it's disgusting... It's not like I have anything better to do, I have been sitting around for 6 weeks. (Since I am not allowed to exercise, I walk around the mall for shits and giggles)

I am pretty much completely healed, and I couldn't be happier. I had a minor setback so I am off until October 23rd. Shopping is even more fun than it used to be for me, if that is possible. Now all I need is some cash and I am unstoppable.

This guy I work with said something to me the other night that really bothered me (keep in mind he is a 17 year old from Estell Manor, so I should just let it slide). He heard that Hillary Clinton plans to run for president in 2008, and he says if she wins, he wants to leave the country because a woman is not fit to be president.... something about going to war every month. Haha... I am not the right person to argue with, sport.

Women are:

1. Classically pacificists when it comes to foreign policies, and will only go to war when absolutely necessary, pre-emptive strikes will be a thing of the past.
2.  from my research (remember, I have been home alot lately) are more progressive in their political ideologies than white males (nevermind republicans!)

besides, I would make a better president than him... so there! :o)

Nip/Tuck is my new obcession... I am renting the first season from Blockbuster to catch up... If you aren't watching it, you have to! I don't want to hear anything about how raw or raunchy it is, it is still an amazing show. I was looking it up online, trying to find out when the third season started, and I found this Christian, anti-Nip/Tuck website. They go through and site every violent, sexual, and criminal thing that happens in the show, it's all there in black and white. How is that any better than watching the show?

Jacqui! I am off this Third Friday too! Are you going to be there?

A week ago today, I had my breast reduction surgery. I am happy to say that all went well, and I am recovering nicely. (for a dollar, I'll show you my stitches :oP)

The pain has been minimal, thanks to Percocet (which makes me feel like I am in a cheap honeymoon suite with a spinning bed) but today has been a really bad day. I just ache so bad  and I am getting bored of tv, even though I have to give my mom a hell of a lot of credit for trying to keep me entertained. She took me to OC one night earlier in the week and we walked on the boardwalk for about an hour, then had Mack and Manco's for dinner. There were even some dolphins off shore that shocked and amazed the South Jersey crowd.

Other than that and sitting in the car while my mother runs errands, I have been screaming semi-coherantly at the tv whenever anything about the RNC comes on. I am not even going to get started on how I feel about Zell Miller... I don't have the strength right now.

Anyone who is still in town or who is coming home to do laundry or whatever...call the cell, stop by.. I am home, and I want visitors. In just 3 short weeks, I can resume my normal activities, and shed the sports bra.

love ya's all!!

This time next week, I will be in my bed, beginning my long recovery from surgery. You know where to send the flowers!

Friday night I took Mom to see her favorite comedian, Lewis Black, at Caesar's in Atlantic City. After a bit of her hesitation about being washed away by a hurricane, I got her into the car and we were off. We got there around 8 and the doors opened at 8:30, so it gave us some time to look at all the pretty things in the shop windows.... after we got our seats (at one of those neato booths that are shaped kinda like clam shells!) we had an hour and a half to kill... thank god the people next to us were pleasant....

The show was so funny! He, of course, made fun of the McGreevey situation and the state of our country... if you haven't heard Lewis Black, I highly recommend checking him.

Tonight, Holly and I went to see Maroon 5 and John Mayer at the Tweeter Center.... of course, I bought lawn seats (these tickets were originally bought for someone else, but things aren't always to be taken at face value so Holly went with me instead so the tickets weren't wasted)and of course, it poured. We bought ponchos and a tarp to put under the blanket we planned to sit on, but we still got soaked....

The show was good. I am not the biggest fans of either performers but John Mayer is an amazing guitar player, and I can appreciate that. I would have definately enjoyed myself more if it was nicer out.

After we got back to Holly's car, we were soaked... long story short, we drove home pretty much naked from the waist down.... never to be forgotten!

Tomorrow I am going to try my damnedest to get to go see Lisa in Gypsy!

and it's 4:25 in the morning... I can't believe I am up this late, or early, or whatever... Recess is on Disney, so I am good.

EM!!! Where have you been? It's been ages since I've talked to you... I miss you!!!

Billy brought me a piggy bank from SD... it's the best!

Sean hit me in the head with his knee, and now I hurt... not fun times.

If anyone can think of a good screen name for me, let me know!

*************
It seems like I can finally rest my head on something real
I like the way that feels
Ohhhhh
It's as if you know me better than I ever knew myself
I love how you can tell
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me

I am moody, messy
I get restless, and it's senseless
How you never seem to care

When I'm angry, you listen
Make me happy it's a mission
And you won't stop til I'm there

Wow, I am really bad at updating...

My mother and I have been fighting constantly... I swear I cannot wait to get out of this house. She has completely lost her mind...

I am finally having the breast reduction on August 27th. I know you all think I am crazy, but it will make me happy.

Barring personal tragedy, I will be heading to Rugters in the spring after I am healed.. I have never been so excited in my life.

Wonder where I have disappeared to? Dad cancelled my AOL account, so Dobber4884 is dead... I am using an old sn (xobrilliantdance) until I can think of something better.... let me know if you have any ideas.

I think I have a respitory infection....
Love you lots!!